About Inner Alchemy

My conscious journey in the search for answers and solutions started in my early teens. On the surface I had everything I needed, I did well at school, had friends, came from a good nuclear family in a safe area, but underneath the surface I struggled to find meaning, I was suicidal and just wanted away from here. In addition, I felt like a burden to those around me with my "strangeness".
A suicide attempt at the age of 15 made it clear to me that this was not a solution, as I saw the pain in those around me. But, because if the choice to end everything was taken out of the equation, the feelings and inner conflicts that underlay the desire were in no way resolved. And without any help or follow-up from the healthcare system or others, the search for understanding and finding a solution began on my own.

This incident led me somewhat "accidentally" into the Red Cross and aid corps, into first aid, exercises and injury make-up. I was incredibly fascinated by how the body and mind reacted to various events and circumstances. How breathing, pulse and blood pressure rose and fell as a response to both physical injuries, temperature and psychological stress, and how the body completely automatically prioritized blood and resources for the most important functions. It was my first taste of understanding trauma, and of the connections between body and mind.

I took a year at folk high school after upper secondary, on the social and social studies line, and met exciting people, new thoughts and new subjects. I was introduced to family constellations, the human landscape, tai chi and meditation. We worked with drug addicts, the mentally disabled and young people in challenging situations. It gave samples and interest, I gained an increased understanding of perception and the resources we have in the mind, but it did not resolve my inner conflicts. Nevertheless, there were important pieces that helped create the way forward. 

The journey continued at university in the search for understanding and answers, through philosophy, psychology, religion and art history, Much interesting and useful about human thoughts and expressions, but the "from the outside looking in" observation that was the basis of the academic gave no real answer, it was just a distanced observation, a theoretical approach via other people's ideas.

During my studies, I worked on the side with first aid, preparation of exercises, teaching and injury make-up, and in addition temporary work at red cross ambulances in the districts and as medical personnel at the Security Center in Bergen. The interplay between body and psyche continued to fascinate me, but I had yet to find anything that helped me resolve the pain inside me.
As a 20-year-old, I contacted the healthcare system and a psychologist in the hope of getting help, there I was met with a question sheet of 500 questions where the answers were plotted into a PC and out came the "diagnosis". The machine couldn't find anything wrong, so there was nothing for the psychologist to do, other than to offer me intelligence - and personality tests that could help me find out what I could work with and have as hobbies. New questions and answers that were plotted into a PC, and out came the answers..pasta chef, SLR camera operator, bonsai tree cultivation...none of this helped the inner pain, sadness, desire to get away, the confusion, emptiness and all that black. Then again I stood without help, looking for the way forward.. 

By chance, through a friend who had received a course as a gift, and who was unable to attend, I ended up on a course in Everyday Massage with Devika Fossen at the Breath Room. What was supposed to be a fairly straightforward introduction and pampering weekend in massage, became a wide opening into my own system through an encounter with Chi gong.
What was meant to be a small warm-up for the day caused my entire defense system to disintegrate. Everything that lay beneath the surface and that had only been waiting for an opportunity for redemption came to the surface, in the form of physical reactions and strong emotions and that was the start of the real deep inner journey into redemption of my own, but also in the acquisition of knowledge and tools for inner transformation.

This is a journey that has taken place over 28 years to date, and which has taken me through countless trainings in massage and forms of healing, shamanism, tantra, meditation, yoga, various philosophical and psychological directions, studies of body and mind from the inside through practices, meditation and reflection, and from the outside through self-study and organized studies, through courses, books. and eventually online studies Still with this search for answers, connections, understandings and solutions. And, not least, for good tools that actually work, that can meet people where they are, and that can offer the way to a better quality of life, better health, more meaning, joy, pleasure, play and self-expression.

It has been a journey that has been full of so-called "coincidences" that have led me into new meetings and studies, it has been a journey full of magic, but also intense work in my own processes. There have been great people, and tougher meetings with people, and there have been both great tools and a lot of strange and sometimes something completely out of place in reality. But, it has constantly brought me deeper and further on my own journey.

In 1994 I met what would become my partner for the next 12 years. A connection that has been incredibly important for me on the way to finding a home in the more spiritual aspects of myself and life. An incredibly important driving force in daring to follow the path that my life has taken in terms of both my profession and my private point of view. But, he was also 16 years older, had been through cancer and mistreatment, and had a personal tough history, so parts of my youthful power and energy didn't have much room for them in the relationship. Especially on the sexual level. It eventually led me into the study of tantra and how to create flow in and consciously create with the sexual energy, which is our life force. My partner at the time had no interest in tantra or in joining this journey, so it very much became a personal journey and a personal mastery of one's own vitality.
In 2006, this relationship came to an abrupt end and I ended up in a relationship with my current partner and father of my children. In this new meeting, there was certainly room for and interest in stepping into the tantric together, and it opened the way for new expansion and unfolding that constantly finds new depths.

In 2003 I met what would become my Tibetan Dur Bon teacher for the first time. Again, it was a series of "coincidences" that led to an opportunity to host Christopher Hansard when he visited Bergen and to participate in 2 very short but life-changing workshops. I was offered the opportunity to join an apprenticeship even then, but it would involve regular trips to London, which I did not have the practical and financial means for at the time, so I had to decline. In 2010, the "coincidences" were again in play and our paths crossed. This time it was the start of a close collaboration, a close relationship and 4 years of apprenticeship. Incredibly intense, partly because he was quite controversial, but at the same time one of the deepest and most transforming things I've gone through. Dur Bon contains the deepest and most holistic understandings of body, mind and life that I have come across so far.

In between these two points where I met my teacher, found my new partner, became a mother and established a new life.  I was still a therapist and course instructor, at the same time as I experienced early childhood and two births. And, I think it was quite right, and not at all a loss or a coincidence, that there was no apprenticeship in the first round. I think that the new maturity was important and necessary to handle the process of walking in this kind of doctrine.

In 2011 I left Den Ene, in which I was an active part, and eventually started Amethysten - The place for growth in the city centre, with fantastic support and help from my loved ones and family. Amethysten would eventually grow to become Norway's largest center for holistic medicine and course activities, with lots of exciting activities. An exciting time, with many beautiful human encounters and expanding growth both inside and outside.

In 2016, I suffered a back injury which in the following days developed into a prolapse with intense pain, and later into nerve inflammation. It was the start of so far 6 years of pain and new deep learning.
It was a new round where the established healthcare and social system had nothing to offer beyond painkillers, which my system coped with quite poorly. It is without a doubt a wonderful emergency remedy to have, but it does not solve the underlying problem, and in my case it produced rather unfortunate side effects. So, it only worked as an absolute emergency solution when things got too intense.

Then again it was to set out in search of understanding and answers, and that led me even deeper into the physical, and the connections there. Into understanding the body on a deep somatic (physical) and psychosomatic level, and of understanding how emotions and trauma affect us into the physical, how the nervous system responds and reacts, and how to navigate around. A journey in listening and understanding how to support the body and the mind's systems, to create safety, calm, space and replenishment, and at the same time open up for movement, strength and joy, and the way forward.
To not only repair the damage, but to come out of it strengthened. Wiser, freer, stronger and more mobile, with more perceived joy and vitality.
Injuries and strains most often occur as a result of something in us being out of balance, that we stretch too far, do too much, don't rest enough or have the ability to ask for help or to receive from the world around us. None of us is an isolated island in the whole, we are all part of an inhalation and an exhalation, we live in harmony with and depend on the world around us, and we contribute and mean something to this whole and the other creatures in it. And when we believe that we do not belong or have value, when we believe that we have to manage everything alone or that there is no help, or perhaps we do not deserve help, Yes, then it affects how we interact with this whole. It affects tension patterns in the muscles, it affects nervous and hormonal systems, it affects perception in how we see ourselves, the world and the opportunities we have... So, the puzzle has many pieces.

It has also become a journey in learning to understand and to accept limitations. To find joy and peace in a limited situation, to be able to work with and through pain not against it. It has involved experiencing from the inside how pain and exhaustion can create anxiety and depression, and learning how to support oneself on the way back to wholeness. To learn about and understand how the body reacts to long periods of stress or exhaustion, and how to navigate the way back, because the rules of the game have completely changed (at least until you build up surplus again) And, also the importance of receiving treatment and help from others, because we have blind spots where we stand on the inside of our own patterns and see neither the wall we are up against nor the solution to it. It has been a journey in many whimsical surprises of what actually lies inside the pain, the stiffness and the patterns.

In these years I have completed the yoga education I was in (Yin/Yang yoga, w/ chi gong and Chinese medicine), and added one on top (therapeutic and structural yoga), I have gone deeper into anatomy and physiology and studied embodiment, breathing and somatics, I have trained in Chakradance, as the exploration and unfolding through intuitive dance seems to be one of the most powerful and beautiful tools to free the body from limiting patterns, and I am doing my second training in craniosacral therapy, this time an international certification over two years.

And the picture is getting richer and more whole.

It has been a process of gathering a lot of knowledge and understanding, of trying out and using different tools for pain relief, repair, increased mobility and deeper understanding. It has been a journey in both things that work, and a lot of theories and understanding that didn't work and not least understanding how individual and complex everything is. There is gradually an incredible amount of exciting research and new understandings emerging around body and mind in international research environments and the somatic environment. Research that largely puts new and modern words on the wisdom we have from the old traditions, both in this country, among indigenous peoples and in the philosophies of the East.

So, despite pain and an intense journey, which is still with me at times, the picture begins to take shape, and I stand stronger and richer on this side of the injury than before it happened. It took me into a whole new level of the universe of the physical body, and of my own intertwined physical and psychic history and patterns. An incredibly exciting field to work in, both with oneself and with others.

So, my work is enriched and expanded by what I myself experience. It takes me into ever new areas of exploration and insight. And, the best of what I find of the tools and insights I offer into my courses and treatments.

Currently, the focus is on an even deeper exploration of the somatic landscape, how we experience what we experience, how the body and mind both respond and take shape around the experiences, and how we can tap into and change experiences and memories, and not least how our body and our mind work in relation to the world and our own life. How we can "hack" the nervous system into creating new levels of security and inner resources, thereby changing both our experience and the way we move forward. It is an incredibly exciting field, smack in the middle of the physical everyday life we all live. And, at the same time, it opens up a much greater experience of this thing we call "life" than we could possibly imagine existed.

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Much of my own journey has been driven by my own pain and inner conflicts, which created a need for  to understand and to be able to change. And, much of my work has been driven by the desire to make available the help I myself did not receive and did not find, to others who are searching or struggling.
I have been allowed to be part of many people's journeys in themselves, and have experienced an enormous richness in seeing the transformations they have gone through, and I am only looking forward to the continuation, and to be able to offer even better help and even more effective tools.

So welcome to the class or course, if any of this speaks to you and can be of help.

​So, if you want help on your way, I am very ready to be with you on it.

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